I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
