Duck Duck Cougar?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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