All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
