After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
