I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
