Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Randomize
