My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
