I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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