He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
