omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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