I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
