you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
