Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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