smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
