I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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