If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have fence marks all over my body
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
