You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize