This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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