is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
