I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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