just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
