Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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