Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I am midnight drunk by noon
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
