i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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