my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i out mim tonsoeep
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