don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
