I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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