i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize