Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
