So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
