I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
