i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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