If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
