I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
