It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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