puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize