I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
