It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
