saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
