Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
