I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
