nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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