All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
