whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think im going to throw up on grandma
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
