I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
ttyl tear gas
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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