I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
