People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
