hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
