weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
