I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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