So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I want to fling myself into the sun
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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