Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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