My underwear smells like fireworks.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
