This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
