"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
