Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
