She went from zero to smokin in five shots
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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