Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
