I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
