look no pants
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
