You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
