I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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