guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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