You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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