still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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