And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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