Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
