Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
