Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
