happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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