smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
