If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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