I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize