I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
