Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
