my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
