I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think my fart just growled at me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
