She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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