Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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