At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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