I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
