So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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