I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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