Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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