idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
