I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
