were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
areolas are like halos for boobs.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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