I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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