im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
