my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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