I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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