Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
