Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
