:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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