I'm lost and stupid without you.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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