If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
