Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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