so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
