It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize