it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
