My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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