Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
