thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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