he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
