The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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