You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
