I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
