I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
