I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize