I need to stop coming to work sober
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
