i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
