Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You need a sexual gate keeper
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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