Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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