From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize