I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
