i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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