He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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