Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
