His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
