My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Girls should come with a carfax report
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
