dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
